Comedian Jeff Allen has some schtick where he talks about communicating with his wife, “Buttercup.” He says he now realizes that it’s not always what he actually SAYS that gets him in trouble… it’s what Buttercup “hears” that is the problem! When he sees her response to something he says, he asks, “What did you HEAR me say?” Then he can decide whether he’s got a problem or if Buttercup is only hearing things.
I completely get this. I understand that one reader thought that the phrase “Buck Up” was rude. As a southerner (Texan and proud of it), it means no more than “cheer up”, “get a grip, friend” or even “it’s not so bad” depending on the situation. I’m sure it has more encouraging uses than those alone (don’t flame me if you didn’t read them right!) Everyone has a right to their opinion, to be sure. Where is this going?
Today, I found out that my brother wanted the whole family to write a note of encouragement to his wife (my sis-in-law or s-i-l) for a 1st time spiritual retreat she is attending on Friday. He emailed our parents, and our other 2 sisters, but deliberately left me out (again… he thinks I don’t love his wife because of something that happened about a decade ago that I have apologized for many times and wasn’t even my fault and he hasn’t forgiven me, obviously…. sigh… but that’s another blog better left unwritten).
Well… he didn’t want to ASK me to write a letter of encouragement to my s-i-l. My mom TOLD me I should go ahead and write one to her and forwarded the email to me…. however she added that I should not write anything about our past issues. Okay, my brother doesn’t tell me. Mom tells me but maternally admonishes me on how to respond. My husband hears my written response of loving encouragement and hope for her future and all she is learning and discovering on her retreat. My Sugar Bear & I get into a heated dialogue on the possiblity of one word or phrase being misconstrued by her or my brother and if anything could possibly be read between the written lines….
I vow that I wrote from the heart to encourage her and bring her love and hope. I used a lovely card and decorated envelope. I picked out a matching stamp! I took extra pains in my penmanship and words were chosen very prayerfully. I mentioned none of our relationship past or present. Father’s love… a bright future… much ahead for her… yet: when words are scrutinized so carefully that it borders on paranoia, what can anyone say to anyone?
Someone claims they don’t want to hurt our feelings, yet says the things that are oddly, well… hurtful. It’s okay if love motivates and there is some help offered in the spoken word. But why are we a people who are so worried about what’s behind the words? Father God sent Jesus, the Logos (Greek for Word). Jesus spoke God’s words and acted on them perfectly yet people wanted to kill Him all the time. Jesus offended lots of people even as He healed multitudes. He was motivated by love but the living Word was often misunderstood. He must have gotten frustrated, too!
In an age where a President and lawyer can say, “It depends on what your definition of “is” is,” is it any wonder that reading between the lines will often distort the clear message? That people are distrustful and jaded? That even with blackberry’s, text messaging, emails and more, we are so bad at communicating?
It’s not always what I say that gets me in trouble, it’s often what you hear that is the problem. Sometimes it’s best to remember 1 Corinthians 13… love changes things, colors things, and even repairs things. If we listen with love to what is spoken in love we will be communicating. If we listen with our heart and stop scrutinizing every syllable for some shade of darkness, we will be happier, too. Yeah, people can be stupid, cruel and mean. BUT, we don’t have to hear it like that. Hurt people… well they tend to hurt people! We are a healed people in Christ. With the mind of Jesus Christ our hearing should be much improved. Let’s give it a try, eh?
Love never fails.
Peace, PC

At 2:30 A.M. Sunday my husband and I lost a member of our family. He was only 10 years old, we had adopted him at the age of 5 years and we loved him dearly. His name was Wishbone. We didn’t name him… the other family who had him first did that.
and funny… a great lap dog… a better watch dog… my husbands agreeable companion in our moments of marital disagreement… and Annie’s friend (she’s our 5 year old JRT baby girl). We have no other kids and they ARE our children in many ways. We love them like people… even better sometimes!